Searching for Safety

Sometimes
the things
we crave
tell a story.

Those
who grow up
in chaos
often crave
order.

Not because
they’re controlling.

Not because
they need
everything
to be perfect.

But because
they know
what it feels like
when life
is anything
but.

When
your world
has felt
unpredictable—

you begin
looking
for anything
that feels
steady.

You make
the list.

Double-check it.

Replay
the conversations.

Make sure
everyone else
is okay.

Arrive
early.

Stay near
the back
of the room.

Think through
every possibility.

Prepare
for what
might happen
because you remember
what it felt like
when you couldn’t.

To someone else,
it may look
like perfectionism.

Anxiety.

Or even
control.

But underneath—

it may simply
be a heart
searching
for safety.

And that’s
not something
to be ashamed of.

We all
search
for somewhere
to rest.

The problem
is that
we can spend
our whole lives
trying
to create
for ourselves
the security
only God
can give.

Order
has its place.

Planning
is wisdom.

But eventually,
we discover
that peace
doesn’t come
from controlling
our circumstances.

It comes
from trusting
the One
who remains
unchanged
when they do.